If anyone has an idea for a title for this let me know...  I wrote this tonight to express the contrast between being in a painful place, but knowing you are in the center of God's will.  There are wonderful moments and terrible moments all in the same day.  Somehow, I find some level of comfort in sharing my feelings.

Untitled 

Transfixed by your gaze,

I am searched.

I will accept your sword--

that my heart be Your sheath.

My flesh gives constant protest,

May You never yield!

This bitter cup,

I wish not to partake.

This narrow way,

I wish not to travel.

Your gaze entices me.

Your beauty wins me over for the journey.

Majestic and mysterious,

I am compelled.

You hedge me in by Your affections,

You bridle my waywardness

With Your unbridled passion for me.

By Your love I am branded.

Your unfolding song resonates in my ears.

I am established by it.

In sorrow I was wooed,

And in mourning I was courted.

Your delight has become my empire--

Your pleasure is my fortress.

Divorce Care By Steve Grissom & Kathy Leonard

Part II - The Road to Healing

Day 41

"Grief is Legitimate"

"You will hinder your healing if you try to suppress the emotions of grief.  Your losses are legitimate and must be faced.  Many people say that the loss associated with divorce is worse than the loss of a spouse through death:

'In death there is closure because the person has died,' says Dr. Linda Mintle.  "in divorce, your ex-spouse is still out there.  And , if you've had children with that person, chances are you will meet again under any number of circumstances, such as graduations, weddings, the birth of a grandchild, or at other significant events in your life.  This kind of open-ended, ongoing relationship makes closure more difficult.' "

(Even more difficult when well-meaning individuals, try to convince you to believe for a reunion.  Even when the other party has chosen to move on, leaving you in a constant state of grief with an open wound.  God always has a miracle for us, although many times it is not the miracle we would have chosen. LMA)

"Wayne says, 'Divorce is worse than death because in a divorce that person chose to leave you.  In death so many times the person did not choose to leave, and you know that he or she died loving you; whereas in divorce it's not like that.  Your ex-spouse is gone, and he or she wanted to leave.' "

If you or a loved one is facing divorce this is an excellent 365 day devotional.  Below I have highlighted a few passages that explain some of the natural process one goes through during the unnatural experience of divorce.   

Part 1 -- "What is happening?"

Day 10

"Energy Distribution"

"Ideally, the amount of energy you expend each day is equally balanced across the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of your life.  But during an dafter a separation or divorce, your energy distribution is much different.  As much as 85 percent of your energy can be diverted to dealing with the emotional upheaval, leaving only 15 percent to deal with all your physical, mental, and spiritual demands.

'Emotionally your spinning,' says Dr. Jim A. Talley.  'You are going round and round.  It is like you are running your engine wide open, but your in neutral and not going anywhere, yet you can't shut the motor off...  Mental difficulties include the inability to make decisions..."

Day 15

"Fishing in the Desert"

"Where have you been looking for stability?  Think carefully about the places and people you have gone to for feelings of assurance or acceptance.  You may have searched in places you never thought you'd visit.  In a desperate attempt to ease the pain, you may be doing things that part of you finds repulsive.

'The process of alienation that occurs during divorce destroys your moral value system, and you end up doing things you never thought you'd do in your whole life,' says, Dr. Jim A. Talley."

Romans 8:13
 

The flesh is not quenched,

Or satisfied.

Feed it, rock it, swaddle it--

It will never go to sleep.

Not tamed like a lion,

Or trained like a dog,

It will not submit to its owner,

Bow to its master,

Or cease to devour its prey,

 It isn’t shamed into submission;

Reasoned into compliance;

Bargained or bartered with--

The flesh does not rest on Sundays.

It does not age gracefully,

Or fade gently into the night.

There is no cure for the flesh.

It must be starved

To death.

WORSHIP!

Let us cultivate this garden within our hearts--a spiritual place of communion with our Creator.  Battle weary, we retreat, that we might advance, to that uniquely beautiful refuge prepared...  Your Glory is a cloud in the desert.  Your presence calls out to us saying "this way to find rest, my cherished."  This place is more real than the illusions of our mortal life.  

Widen this sanctuary, deepen our reality, enlarge our capacity to perceive it, and ability to receive--YOUR LOVE and let eternity fill--every corner of every division of our hearts and transform every facet of our person. 

~